Healthy Boundaries in Groups, Churches and Leaders?

In recent posts we've reviewed topics such as the Symptoms of Undue Influence/Mind Control, What is Behavior, Information, Thought and Emotional Control - based on Hassan's BITE Model, today we're focusing on what Healthy Boundaries are in group settings and with "leaders".

We get calls and emails daily about abuse and what can be done. The most effective way to combat abuse, manipulation or coercion of any kind, is Preventative Education! An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

It's absolutely Okay to question people, group policies or "rules", and its also Okay to Say "No I disagree or I do not accept this" for my life or my family etc. Knowing what healthy boundaries are and being assertive about where you stand is essential to protecting yourself and your loved ones.

A Safe Group, Church or Leader:

Will answer your questions
Will disclose information
Will try to be democratic
Will not vilify or excommunicate former members
Will not have a negative paper trail (court cases, media articles)
Will encourage communication & existing friendships
Will recognize reasonable boundaries and limitations
Will encourage critical thinking, individual autonomy and self esteem
Will admit mistakes and accept constructive criticism
Will not be the only source of knowledge and learning

If you or someone you know would like to Report a Cult, Need Help and or Support or want to Tell Your Story please feel free to fill out and submit one of the forms on our website:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

If you would like to help us in our efforts to Educate the public about Spiritual, Mental & Emotional Abuse, our Exposes and providing Support for those leaving or struggling with these plethora of topics you can do so here:
https://fact.networkforgood.com/projects/27300-fact-fundraising-for-2018

Any contribution is extremely appreciated and goes a long way in this fight of darkness! On behalf of Victims and Survivors Thank you in advance for your support!

Please feel free to comment and share this with friends, family, on social media platforms etc.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings, Inc 

Complaint Filed: Open Door Baptist Church Stonington, CT - Pastor Frank Spaulding

I spoke to the person who filed the complaint at length this week about the situation their family was in. They are extremely distraught, afraid and trying to pick up the pieces of their life.  

Complaint Filed this week:

"Name of Cult Group or Church: The Open Door Baptist Church

Where: Stonington, Connecticut

Leader(s): Frank Spaulding

Please describe the cult activity:

Too much to list,but shunning,counseling members to divorce if he didn't get the spouses to conform to what he viewed to be appropriate such as tattoos,hair color,or length.
Threatening to tell authorities you are a bad parent for disciplining your child by taking games for not doing chores. Advising things like transportation be sold to save money and use church vehicle's then sabotaging jobs by taking them.This way we'd have to come to him. Had forbidden us not to pay rent because he was putting us in a church members rental,then telling husband he'd no longer have a roof over his head unless he sent me back to NJ & because they have tons of foster kids/parents they'd take my son,give him a vehicle,a bank account,and anything else.
Had another women in mind for him.Told deacons to convince him to leave me.We fled Rhode Island with just our clothes.
Never new members.All because I had purple hair and refused to change it.This all in the midst of having breast cancer and kidney issues.
My husband was a commercial fisherman when we started there & it was a bad time of year so money was hit or miss.He forbid him to go fishing because church came first and he wouldn't give him anymore work to make ends meet if he did.
My husband just wanted to take care of his family.Pastor admitted telling others to counsel husband to leave me.
Was very proud of it and refused to apologize or say he was wrong.
Was very proud of his efforts.No members will speak against him
Only report things back.
He controls members finances,and churchs
Retired gov.accountant
No one buys anything past groceries without his approval.

1) When did you/they get involved & for how long?
May 24th 2017 to December 28th 2017

2) How did you/they get involved? How were you/they directly recruited?Pastor picked my husband up walking home in rain. Played nice buying him 1000 dollar wardrobe,Paying him to work at church slowly manipulating control over him

3) Are there other family members involved?
No

4) Has their been a disconnection of relationship(s) with family, old friends?
Yes

5) What are the circumstances currently?We moved to another state due to threats.
We didn't want to stay in our original hometowns in New Jersey because they knew where that was.

Impact from group: Please describe how you believe to have been harmed and/or wronged by this group. Be as detailed as possible, and send any supporting evidence via the email below.
We lost EVERYTHING Home,jobs,vehicle,furniture...EVERYTHING."

If you have any information or experience with this group or Pastor please feel free to come forward and tell us your story. https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

We will be helping this family in any way that we can get stable and back on their feet.

If you would like to make a donation to help FACT with our efforts you can do so here
https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/fact

It is very needed and appreciated.

Thank you for your continued support!

Sincerely,

The FACT Team

Symptoms of Undue Influence and or Cult Involvement

What are the specific symptoms someone might display when involved in a high control group, relationship or cult.

Look out for Personality Changes: Maybe major mood swings or the person may be "happy" all the time, but a superficial kind of happy...always be positive or upbeat kind of attitude instead of displaying authentic feels when situations warrant them.

Keep a look out for Drastic shifts in beliefs and or values.

Changes in diet and or sleep patterns: Maybe they are fasting now, or only eating once a day, or has been reported by former Scientologists, some only eat rice and beans for days or weeks at a time as punishment. Weight loss is an indicator to keep an eye on. If they are looking gaunt, worn out etc it's likely they are not getting the proper sleep. This is how many high control groups and cults gain control over their members, the members are so exhausted that they don't even have time to "think clearly". 

Not attending important family functions: Always to busy or making excuses not to attend family functions where as before they would have.

Inability to make decisions without consulting leader, guru, spiritual guide: The need to seek advice or "council" from others or another instead of being able to make decision on their own.

Sudden use of a new ideology to explain everything:

Black and White thinking, simplistic reasoning:

New vocabulary and complex jargon: Many insulated groups have their own language of sorts. Abbreviated terms that are used a lot, which members understand but outsiders have no idea what these terms mean or refer to. Example: In Scientology they use the word communication a lot, to shorten it and save time they abbreviate it and just say ""comm". Another example is "no case on post" - which refers to - no getting upset, showing unpleasant emotions or attitudes while working.


Insistence or invitations to do what they are doing: Recruiting new members is heavy in cults and high control groups.

These are a few of the main symptoms people display.

If you or someone you know would like to Report a Cult, Need Help and or Support or want to Tell Your Story please feel free to fill out and submit one of the forms on our website:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

Please feel free to comment and share this with friends, family, on social media platforms etc.

Thank you again for all your continued support in this fight of darkness.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings, Inc 

Complaint Filed on Sai Maa in Denver, CO

We received a Complaint about Sai Maa in Denver, CO.

A young lady has been involved with Sai Maa and her group for about a year now.

According to the report, the young lady no longer speaks to either of her parents, her personality and values have drastically changed along with a number of other alarming red flags.

If you have any experience, stories or information regarding Sai Maa and her group please feel free to let us know. If you would like to file a complaint you may do so here:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

Thank you.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings and Abuses 

Family of 4 Dead - Former Members of Jehovah's Witness Struggling with Being Shunned by Community

The psychological Damage these cults create can be to much for people to bare!

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/mich-model-shoots-her-husband-030519815.html?soc_src=mail&soc_trk=ma

Five years ago, the family had been shunned from the Jehovah’s Witness church because of “doctrinal and social issues”, Joyce Taylor claims.

Over the weekend, Taylor went to a Kingdom Hall meeting to deliver a message to the group, which she recorded and later uploaded to YouTube.

“Excuse me everyone, my name is Joyce Taylor,” she says. “Two days ago, four people died as a result of your shunning process.”

“Five years ago you people pulled your support from this small family, the only support they had was you people. You turned them away and you shunned them,” she continued.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBJ0siVgDkE&list=PLDx1ZOLj81Dk6PqRBGqIQrNFenFsb4Qjc 

You'll notice in the video the Pastor and a few other men surrounded her, trying to silence and intimidate her.

What is Emotional Control?

"Many people think of mind control as an ambiguous, mystical process that cannot be defined in concrete terms. In reality, mind control refers to a specific set of methods and techniques, such as hypnosis or thought-stopping, that influence how a person thinks, feels, and acts."   

Destructive mind control can be determined when the overall effect of these four components: Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control and Emotional Control - promotes dependency and obedience to some leader or cause; it is not necessary for every single item on the list to be present.

Like many techniques, it is not inherently good or evil.  If mind control techniques are used to empower an individual to have more choice, and authority for their life remains within themselves, the effects can be beneficial. For example, benevolent mind control can be used to help people quit smoking without affecting any other behavior.  Mind control becomes destructive when it undermines a person’s ability to think and act independently." Steve Hassan

Emotional Control is probably the most powerful of these four components and likely the one that makes one most vulnerable.

Scientology has a something called The Emotional Tone Scale. You can find a picture of this scale by doing a simple google search. If someone is angry or grieving, the idea in Scientology is to "counsel" someone to be as high on the tone scale as possible, which in itself isn't a bad thing, we all seek to be as happy as possible. We all experience various emotions day to day and they are natural and part of being human and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It has been reported that inside the Scientology culture certain emotions are looked down upon and unacceptable. Former staff members (clergy) have reported being yelled at, reprimanded and punished for "not being uptone". The term "come uptone" is very common in the Scientology culture. Being reprimanded for having natural human emotions is one way to control the behavior of others (rewards and penalties). Of course this is just one example. The infographic above gives you examples of others. 

If you or someone you know would like to Report a Cult, Need Help and or Support or want to Tell Your Story please feel free to fill out and submit one of the forms on our website:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

If you would like to make a tax deductible donation towards our efforts, any contribution is very appreciated and you may do so here:

https://fact.networkforgood.com/projects/27300-fact-fundraising-for-2018

Please feel free to comment and share this with friends, family, on social media platforms etc.

Thank you again for all your continued support in this fight of darkness.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings, Inc 

A former Scientologist wanted us to Share her story!

A former Scientologist wanted us to share her story.


"Name of Cult Group or Church: Scientology

Where: Florida

Leader(s): L Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige

Recruitment: When I was 21, my fiance issued me an ultimatum that unless I joined Scientology, he could no longer even date me. Once I started buying their classes and counseling, I was under constant heavy pressure to become a staff member which means you work 90+ hours per week for about $40 per week. I did join staff and worked there for 14 years.

Damaging Aspects: They use force and control and work on getting inside your head until you become "dedicated". Then once you are fully dedicated, they control every inch of your life: who you can talk to or be friends with, what family members you can have a relationship with, all of your intimate relationships are usurped by them. They become your family. It is a heavy authoritarian, top down structure that issues commands that all who are truly dedicated must follow, or be kicked out and disconnected from all family and friends who are members of the organization. You are encouraged to report on your spouse, your children, your parents, if any of them violate the rules of the organization. You are discouraged from seeing doctors. If you have any serious mental issues you are forbidden from getting professional help, of any kind. All of your mental and physical problems are purported to be cured by Scientology practices. Through L Ron Hubbard's ideology, they completely change your personality, the way you think about people and the world, the way you act, what you do with your life, how you spend your money and all of your beliefs. If you are lucky enough to escape, it takes years to recover and get your own mind and your life back. I was in for over 24 years and it took me many years to become myself again after escaping. It ruined my life, I made huge mistakes and bad decisions while I was under the influence, that I am still paying for today, 12 years after getting away from them.

What would you like others to know?: They encouraged me to drop out of College at a young age, even though I was a gifted student. They discouraged me from having children by demanding I work 90 hrs a week. Worst of all, when I decided to no longer be a member, they tore apart my family. There are so many family members who used to be close, loving family members (over a dozen) who now are not allowed to speak to me. They all claimed to have "made their own decision", yet one for one, every single member chose to apply the Scientology Policy of "disconnection" even though I never spoke out about the organization to anyone. So now, 12 years later I am finally speaking out. One of the main ways they keep you in, is to convince you that if you leave Scientology, you will fail, suffer, get sick and die. They claim to be a "religion" yet they offer no public benefit to the world. Their social programs are nothing more than hype and public relations stunts. Its all about either getting money out of you or turning you into a slave for the organization. When you are under their influence it is easy to be convinced that you are saving the world, helping people, and becoming a better person. It happens slowly over time, like boiling a frog, you don't realize it until its too late. Only when you get out and look back, do you realize the control they had over the way you think and see the world. They turn you against science, they turn you against other religions, you stop reading, stop listening to the news, you stop looking at other perspectives altogether. You are only allowed the Scientology perspective, all others are considered inferior. You stop learning, you stop growing or evolving, your mind is no longer your own. You are incapable of thinking for yourself any longer. All the while they are convincing you that the opposite is true, and that you are an "advanced, super human being".

How do you feel now being out of the group? My life has turned around and I am happy and healthy but most of all free from that abusive organization. I believe that had I stayed there, I'd be dead. And indeed, I know SO MANY dedicated people in there who have died (usually of Cancer and heart attacks) way too young.

Additional: Please publish my story. I appreciate the work you are doing to expose dangerous groups."

The Church of Scientology for years has denied they have or enforce their disconnection policy. Time and again they have denied it on media interview. Another former Scientologist got on camera a Sea Org Member (a member of Scientology's clergy) admitting that they do in fact enforce disconnection. Watch the video here:

https://youtu.be/rdppW926NoA   

Thank you for sharing your story! We are Happy to hear she is doing well in life and hope one day she will reconnect with all the family that has disconnected from her!

If you or someone you know would like to Report a Cult, Need Help and or Support or want to Tell Your Story please feel free to fill out and submit one of the forms on our website:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

The Fact Team