Healthy Boundaries in Groups, Churches and Leaders?

In recent posts we've reviewed topics such as the Symptoms of Undue Influence/Mind Control, What is Behavior, Information, Thought and Emotional Control - based on Hassan's BITE Model, today we're focusing on what Healthy Boundaries are in group settings and with "leaders".

We get calls and emails daily about abuse and what can be done. The most effective way to combat abuse, manipulation or coercion of any kind, is Preventative Education! An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

It's absolutely Okay to question people, group policies or "rules", and its also Okay to Say "No I disagree or I do not accept this" for my life or my family etc. Knowing what healthy boundaries are and being assertive about where you stand is essential to protecting yourself and your loved ones.

A Safe Group, Church or Leader:

Will answer your questions
Will disclose information
Will try to be democratic
Will not vilify or excommunicate former members
Will not have a negative paper trail (court cases, media articles)
Will encourage communication & existing friendships
Will recognize reasonable boundaries and limitations
Will encourage critical thinking, individual autonomy and self esteem
Will admit mistakes and accept constructive criticism
Will not be the only source of knowledge and learning

If you or someone you know would like to Report a Cult, Need Help and or Support or want to Tell Your Story please feel free to fill out and submit one of the forms on our website:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

If you would like to help us in our efforts to Educate the public about Spiritual, Mental & Emotional Abuse, our Exposes and providing Support for those leaving or struggling with these plethora of topics you can do so here:
https://fact.networkforgood.com/projects/27300-fact-fundraising-for-2018

Any contribution is extremely appreciated and goes a long way in this fight of darkness! On behalf of Victims and Survivors Thank you in advance for your support!

Please feel free to comment and share this with friends, family, on social media platforms etc.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings, Inc 

Complaint Filed: Open Door Baptist Church Stonington, CT - Pastor Frank Spaulding

I spoke to the person who filed the complaint at length this week about the situation their family was in. They are extremely distraught, afraid and trying to pick up the pieces of their life.  

Complaint Filed this week:

"Name of Cult Group or Church: The Open Door Baptist Church

Where: Stonington, Connecticut

Leader(s): Frank Spaulding

Please describe the cult activity:

Too much to list,but shunning,counseling members to divorce if he didn't get the spouses to conform to what he viewed to be appropriate such as tattoos,hair color,or length.
Threatening to tell authorities you are a bad parent for disciplining your child by taking games for not doing chores. Advising things like transportation be sold to save money and use church vehicle's then sabotaging jobs by taking them.This way we'd have to come to him. Had forbidden us not to pay rent because he was putting us in a church members rental,then telling husband he'd no longer have a roof over his head unless he sent me back to NJ & because they have tons of foster kids/parents they'd take my son,give him a vehicle,a bank account,and anything else.
Had another women in mind for him.Told deacons to convince him to leave me.We fled Rhode Island with just our clothes.
Never new members.All because I had purple hair and refused to change it.This all in the midst of having breast cancer and kidney issues.
My husband was a commercial fisherman when we started there & it was a bad time of year so money was hit or miss.He forbid him to go fishing because church came first and he wouldn't give him anymore work to make ends meet if he did.
My husband just wanted to take care of his family.Pastor admitted telling others to counsel husband to leave me.
Was very proud of it and refused to apologize or say he was wrong.
Was very proud of his efforts.No members will speak against him
Only report things back.
He controls members finances,and churchs
Retired gov.accountant
No one buys anything past groceries without his approval.

1) When did you/they get involved & for how long?
May 24th 2017 to December 28th 2017

2) How did you/they get involved? How were you/they directly recruited?Pastor picked my husband up walking home in rain. Played nice buying him 1000 dollar wardrobe,Paying him to work at church slowly manipulating control over him

3) Are there other family members involved?
No

4) Has their been a disconnection of relationship(s) with family, old friends?
Yes

5) What are the circumstances currently?We moved to another state due to threats.
We didn't want to stay in our original hometowns in New Jersey because they knew where that was.

Impact from group: Please describe how you believe to have been harmed and/or wronged by this group. Be as detailed as possible, and send any supporting evidence via the email below.
We lost EVERYTHING Home,jobs,vehicle,furniture...EVERYTHING."

If you have any information or experience with this group or Pastor please feel free to come forward and tell us your story. https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

We will be helping this family in any way that we can get stable and back on their feet.

If you would like to make a donation to help FACT with our efforts you can do so here
https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/fact

It is very needed and appreciated.

Thank you for your continued support!

Sincerely,

The FACT Team

Symptoms of Undue Influence and or Cult Involvement

What are the specific symptoms someone might display when involved in a high control group, relationship or cult.

Look out for Personality Changes: Maybe major mood swings or the person may be "happy" all the time, but a superficial kind of happy...always be positive or upbeat kind of attitude instead of displaying authentic feels when situations warrant them.

Keep a look out for Drastic shifts in beliefs and or values.

Changes in diet and or sleep patterns: Maybe they are fasting now, or only eating once a day, or has been reported by former Scientologists, some only eat rice and beans for days or weeks at a time as punishment. Weight loss is an indicator to keep an eye on. If they are looking gaunt, worn out etc it's likely they are not getting the proper sleep. This is how many high control groups and cults gain control over their members, the members are so exhausted that they don't even have time to "think clearly". 

Not attending important family functions: Always to busy or making excuses not to attend family functions where as before they would have.

Inability to make decisions without consulting leader, guru, spiritual guide: The need to seek advice or "council" from others or another instead of being able to make decision on their own.

Sudden use of a new ideology to explain everything:

Black and White thinking, simplistic reasoning:

New vocabulary and complex jargon: Many insulated groups have their own language of sorts. Abbreviated terms that are used a lot, which members understand but outsiders have no idea what these terms mean or refer to. Example: In Scientology they use the word communication a lot, to shorten it and save time they abbreviate it and just say ""comm". Another example is "no case on post" - which refers to - no getting upset, showing unpleasant emotions or attitudes while working.


Insistence or invitations to do what they are doing: Recruiting new members is heavy in cults and high control groups.

These are a few of the main symptoms people display.

If you or someone you know would like to Report a Cult, Need Help and or Support or want to Tell Your Story please feel free to fill out and submit one of the forms on our website:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

Please feel free to comment and share this with friends, family, on social media platforms etc.

Thank you again for all your continued support in this fight of darkness.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings, Inc 

Complaint Filed on Sai Maa in Denver, CO

We received a Complaint about Sai Maa in Denver, CO.

A young lady has been involved with Sai Maa and her group for about a year now.

According to the report, the young lady no longer speaks to either of her parents, her personality and values have drastically changed along with a number of other alarming red flags.

If you have any experience, stories or information regarding Sai Maa and her group please feel free to let us know. If you would like to file a complaint you may do so here:

https://www.familiesagainstcultteachings.org/cult-help/contact.html

Thank you.

Sincerely,

The FACT Team
Families Against Cult Teachings and Abuses 

Family of 4 Dead - Former Members of Jehovah's Witness Struggling with Being Shunned by Community

The psychological Damage these cults create can be to much for people to bare!

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/mich-model-shoots-her-husband-030519815.html?soc_src=mail&soc_trk=ma

Five years ago, the family had been shunned from the Jehovah’s Witness church because of “doctrinal and social issues”, Joyce Taylor claims.

Over the weekend, Taylor went to a Kingdom Hall meeting to deliver a message to the group, which she recorded and later uploaded to YouTube.

“Excuse me everyone, my name is Joyce Taylor,” she says. “Two days ago, four people died as a result of your shunning process.”

“Five years ago you people pulled your support from this small family, the only support they had was you people. You turned them away and you shunned them,” she continued.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBJ0siVgDkE&list=PLDx1ZOLj81Dk6PqRBGqIQrNFenFsb4Qjc 

You'll notice in the video the Pastor and a few other men surrounded her, trying to silence and intimidate her.